Watch 33

Today I was joined (via digital means) by my friend Alyssa. I knew it was gonna be a good watch when one of her opening statements was: “Jason Statham and Nicolas Cage movies aren’t supposed to make sense.”

• Immediately after Morris was introduced, Alyssa started making “That’s What She Said” jokes.
• “Get that thing away from me. What are you doing?” – That’s What She Said.
• “Oh it’s huge!” – That’s What She Said.
• I learned that Alyssa hates the song ‘Hey Mickey.’ So that immediately takes this watch from a ‘Hell Yeah!’ down to a ‘Just Keep Swimming.’
• She was also convinced the cow at 17:55 was CGI.
• “Why is it still in her???” – Alyssa, wondering why they didn’t try to remove the screwdriver from Lori’s abdomen earlier.
• My only answer to her query was, “That’s what she said.”
• Alyssa was also very concerned about Meiying’s apparent lack of supervision on Mana One.
• “You seem to like it.” – That’s What She Said.
• “There’s gotta be another shark because Rainn Wilson’s still alive.” – Alyssa, after they killed the first shark.
• Once Alyssa realized they essentially put Statham on a leash when he got in the water, the only thing she had to say was: “As he should be.”
• They never establish that Jaxx knows how to hack into anything. Jason Statham just asked because Jaxx looks Like That™.
• “Oh this is gonna be epic!” – Alyssa, when she sees the shark go after the guy in the inflatable ball.
• “What’s going on down there?” – That’s What She Said.
• Alyssa wondered if “Chew in this you ugly bastard” was this shark movie’s “Smile you son of a bitch.”
• Alyssa immediately muted her audio when ‘Hey Mickey’ began to play again at the end.

Rating: Just Keep Swimming

Date: May 6, 2020