Watch 51: Merry Christman I can’t believe we’re still here

I will be alone this Christmas because, well, you know… So to make the day just a little bit brighter, I decided to give The Meg another watch for nostalgia’s sake. I hope you are all doing well. Remember to be kind to yourself.

• Jason Statham gripping a bloody, half-drowned man and asking, “You okay pal?” pretty much encapsulates what it’s like texting my friends in the middle of a pandemic.
• This movie has cursed me because whenever I see any of the cast in other stuff and I point out that “They were in The Meg,” no one cares. This is my burden.
• Jason Statham’s Thailand apartment could double as a setting for the Saw Franchise if they just applied the appropriate green filter. They literally wouldn’t have to change anything else.
• I’d like to believe the pic they had of Toshi wasn’t from his official company ID, but instead a mugshot from a legendary/disastrous team building exercise.
• Physically, I am in my apartment eating Chinese takeout. But emotionally, I’m Jason Statham getting dragged behind a speeding boat while being chased by a giant shark.
• If Pfizer was smart they’d just give Suyin and Jason Statham tranquilizer guns filled with the COVID vaccine and let them just go nuts.
• And while we’re on the subject, Morris (who is arguably responsible for this entire mess) telling everyone they’re all in this together, and that he’s going to get help and take care of things, and then immediately peacing out and leaving hits a little different these days…
• My sleep-paralysis demon has been replaced by this massively overcrowded beach.
• When people ask how I’m doing, sometimes I tell them I wish I could go back to just watching The Meg every day.
  How’s YOUR year been?
• “Here’s to being alive.”

Rating: Just Keep Swimming Wearing Your Mask

Date: December 25, 2020